Do Not SUSH Me

have you ever witnessed amother trying to have an important conversation on the phone with somone and have their child endlessly say "mom mom mom mom MOMMY mommy MOM?" eventually tugging on their shirt sleeve and whining, as she is trying to shush them with no sucess....i learned it was rude to interrupt a phone conversation early on in my youth after being smacked in the mouth a few times when i behaving that way....well i do not have a child...i am not a mother....however, my phone patience level is constantly being tested by my 36 year old boss.

for instance today, i pick up the phone..

me: thank you for calling "roaches then rats" how can i help you?

caller: "douche" please

me: may i ask who is calling?

caller: jeff from so and so packing supply

me: ok, jeff, one moment please.

me: hey "douche" jeff from so and so is on the phone.

douche: i i i i didnt call anyone from there...as as ask what he wants..(he has an insane studder)

me: hi jeff, what is this call concerning?

jeff: oh just returning douche's phone call

me: one moment

me: jeff is returning your phone call

(automatic suspision)

douche: he he must be selling something tell him i i i di did didnt call him... and remove our number from his list.

me: well it seems as if he knows you and says he is returning your call, would you like to just figure this out?

douche: no no no just tell him i i i dont appreciate him soliciating us and he can just remove us from the list NOW.

me: jeff? hi...douche says he never made a phone call to you, but could i write down your number so he can maybe call you back if he remembers?

jeff: sure

(douche in back ground shouting, on the verge of screaming my name hey hey hey im not calling him back! now shouting HEY HEY!! i hold my hand up to silence the douche because i can not hear poor jeff, who is stuck in the middle of this now paranoid phone call...douche shouts DONT SHUSH ME! DONT YOU SUSH ME WHEN IM TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETING!! i kindly put jeff on hold and turn to douche with such venom in my eyes that a normal person would get the hint that they are being F*ing RUDE....but NO...)

douche: I AM NOT CALLING HIM BACK.

me: ok, but i think you called him, and i just do not want to be rude to him.

douche: well he is being rude by calling here when we do not want him to. someone sold him my name and number.

me: well, it is listed on our website for everyone to see.

douche: well he has no right calling it. and dont be nice to him he is intruding.

(INTRUDING? you have go to be f*ing kidding me right now)

me: ok

me: jeff? hi...can you please just remove us from your li...

jeff: but i am returning his phone call...

me: well he insists he did not call you, i am sorry....

(jeff then said somthing more specific about the call douche had made...i put him on hold)

me: douche, jeff said this and that.....

douche: nope. he has no right calling here.

me: sorry jeff, please remove us from the "list" sorry.

jeff: um...ok...

so, we will never know if douche really did place a phone call to jeff...nor would he ever admit if he did now anyway...

this is not the first or the last time i have or will SHUSH him again. annoying 36 year old interrupting piece of SHIT.

but wait its not over....douche walks up to my desk and says..

douche: he is selling something and con-ing me into talking to him, thats like me calling "jeff's" girlfriend tonight during dinner and saying"he remember me, i met you last night and we had a good time.." it just like that...

me: thats totally different, your name and number is posted clearly on our website....jeffs girlfriend is not.

douche. hummmph.

(walks away)

wow. he made his point. i have totally no respect for him. at. all.

Do You Want To Touch My...

Weirdo is at it again! Let me paint the picture:

1. I sit right across from my boss, but my computer screen acts as a shield, guarding my eyes from his lame face.
2. Everday, I listen to a playlist created by LastFM, which plays aloud through speakers on my phone
3. I LOVE music, so I listen to various genres: rock, soul, electro, acid-jazz...whatev.

Now that I have that out of the way, here goes:

Today, i'm listening to my David Bowie playlist, in my own world [as usual]. Gary Glitter comes on, and I loveeeeeeeee Gary Glitter [personal sidenote, lol]. The song "Do You Want To Touch Me" begins playing...i'm sooo feeling it; singing along silently...you get the idea. The songs goes something like this: "Do you want to touch, do you want to touch, do you want to touch me there...yeahhhh, yeahhhh."

Weirdo leans over [he must lean back in order to see me because of the "wall" created by my computer set-up] and says:

Weirdo: "Do you know what that song is talking about?"
Me: "Uuhhh, touch?" [duh'ing in my head]
Weirdo: "No, no. Do you know what he's talking about touching?"
Me: [this occurs in my mind] "What a f*cking weirdo"
Weirdo: "Do you want to touch his big toe, that's what he's referring to."
Me: [shakes head & wants to pound fist into desk from frustration]

Why must I ALWAYS receive commentary on the music i'm listening to?
SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

company handbook...

i am tired of this "company handbook" shit. either you follow the hand book or you dont. you dont pick and choose when it is convient for you.

EfffFFFfffffFFff your dumb made up rules that you pull out of your dumb aspergers ass.

turd alert

Our boss is a turd.

turd (tûrd)

n. Vulgar

1. A piece of excrement.

2. Slang A contemptible person.

A normal day in the warehouse resembles a scene out of "2 girls 1 cup." No, seriously. He often leaves his feces in the toilet as well as surrounding surfaces. I am not joking. Contemptible does not even begin to describe him or the awful stench that exudes from the bathroom. Gross.